Someone with standing publicly praises a colleague for the very trait senior decision-makers criticize in private, so the colleague keeps doing it and never notices the damage to their reputation.
An example
Covering front desk shifts during conventions and fixing booking errors personally at midnight had made a hotel group's regional director of operations known for jumping in. A peer competing for the same promotion praised this at nearly every leadership meeting, calling the director the hardest-working person in the company and the one who never let a guest down. The praise came in front of the chief operating officer, who had told the head of human resources, privately, that the director could not delegate and had no time for strategy. The director heard only the praise and took on more weekend shifts. No mentor said otherwise. When the vice president role was filled in the fall, it went to the peer. The feedback the director finally received read: needs to operate at a more strategic level.
Why it works
Public praise makes the damaging behavior look better, because each round of recognition confirms that the trait is admired. It makes the behavior feel easier, because the effort that might prompt self-doubt now seems to pay off. Changing course looks worse, since dropping a publicly celebrated trait feels like betraying one's own identity. The praiser does not create the damage, which already exists in senior decision-makers' private views; the praise drowns it out with a louder, faster signal. Three conditions carry it: a praiser with credible standing, a target without candid mirrors, and damage that shows up late, in reputation and promotion decisions.
The thinking behind it
Robert B. Cialdini Robert Cialdini's Influence (1984) describes commitment and consistency: once people have taken a position, especially a public one, they feel pressure to act in line with it. Public praise for a trait gives the target a public identity built on that trait, and each round deepens the commitment. That is why the defense starts with private, candid feedback the target can act on before the identity hardens.
Leon Festinger Leon Festinger's A Theory of Cognitive Dissonance (1957) holds that holding two cognitions that do not fit together is uncomfortable, and that people often resolve it by changing the belief to fit what they have already done. A target celebrated for a trait finds any hint that it is hurting them dissonant, and the easiest resolution is to dismiss the hint. A candid sponsor whose view the target trusts makes the other resolution possible.
Warning signs
Praise keeps landing on the one trait senior decision-makers criticize in private, and it usually comes in front of colleagues. The person praising stands to gain if the target stalls. Formal feedback is vague or absent while informal praise is loud. The target does more of the praised behavior each quarter, and promotions keep going elsewhere.
How to defend yourself
Check whether the praise you hear most often matches what the people who decide promotions value. If you cannot tell, find out directly.
- Find a candid sponsor, or a peer with no stake, and ask how senior decision-makers see the trait.
- Use 360 feedback, or a skip-level conversation, to compare your public praise with your private reputation.
- Notice who is praising you and what they gain if you stay where you are.
- When praise comes in a meeting, accept it briefly and steer to results that match the next role.
How a leader shuts it down
Design feedback systems to surface the gap between public praise and private reputation: 360 reviews, regular candid conversations with sponsors, and promotion criteria that are written down and shared. If you hold a private concern about someone's pattern, tell them, because your silence leaves the field to whoever is praising it.