Developed by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen of the Harvard Negotiation Project (Difficult Conversations, 1999).
Treats a hard conversation as three at once (what happened, what each side feels, and what it means for each identity) and shifts the aim from persuading to learning.
When to reach for it
Before a performance conversation or a long-avoided confrontation, when earlier attempts failed because the real issue never surfaced.
How it runs
- Map the three layers: the facts, the feelings, and the identity stakes.
- Set the goal as learning the other side's story.
- Replace blame with each party's contribution.
- Name the feelings on both sides out loud.
- Share your story, hear theirs, and agree on next steps.
Where it sits in SOLVE eX
Go to the source
- Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most, Harvard Negotiation Project, 1999